Big weddings aren’t for everyone, and they never have been.
And if a secret wedding in the woods was good enough for Mel Gibson in Braveheart, then it’s good enough for anyone.
Well, ok, maybe you don’t have to go the whole eloping-secretly-in-the-forest route, but you can recreate a lot of that same romance and intimacy by planning an intimate wedding instead of a big and less personal one.
Additionally, with a small wedding, you’ll generally have much more ability to customize and personalize things since you have fewer people and moving parts to account for.
You’ll also have a much wider selection of venues to choose from.
Determine The Guest List
“Intimate” doesn’t necessarily mean “without anyone else.”
You’ll probably have at least a few guests, even if it’s only your parents and a few very close relatives or friends.
However, you’ll want to be conscious and deliberate about who you invite if you’re trying to keep the total number of guests under a certain number.
And if you’re planning an intimate wedding, that’s exactly what you’ll be doing.
For the most part, anything under 75 guests can be considered pretty intimate.
Pro Tip: Not everyone you invite will likely be able to make it, but you should be prepared in case they do, and not invite anyone you’re not prepared for.
Decide On Your Budget
One of the great things about smaller weddings, aside from the fact that they can feel more personal, is the fact that, unless you go crazy, a small wedding will probably cost less than a large one.
But that doesn’t mean it won’t cost anything.
Even if you host it in your backyard and make all the food yourself, you’ll still, at least, have to buy the food.
So compile a list of everything you’ll need to pay for and confirm all the prices before you agree to them.
And when it comes to any pricing, be sure to get an itemized list of expenses and receipts from every vendor or provider before you sign or agree to anything.
You want to know exactly what you’re paying for.
Pro Tip: If at all possible, stay within your budget and avoid spending any money you didn’t already plan to spend.
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Draw upon Your Network
Unless you’re both orphans who never got adopted or taken into an orphanage, being left alone to scavenge to survive outside of human society, you probably have a network.
Especially if you’re reading an article about planning an intimate wedding, it is improbable that either of you was abandoned in your infancy and condemned to roam the wilderness alone without learning any human language or having any non-squirrel companions until you mistakenly wandered onto a road or campsite as a feral adult.
Joking aside, the point we’re making here is that both of you undoubtedly have at least a few relatives, friends, colleagues, and others you know on a personal level and have some regular form of contact with.
So, reach out to those people for advice, recommendations, reviews, and so on.
Their insights can be invaluable to you, and asking them is also a nice way to show them that you value their opinions on the subject.
Pro Tip: One or more of the people in your network may already be married and could be a great source of reviews and tips.
Choose What to Keep and What to Eliminate
You probably have a wishlist full of things you’d like to have at your wedding.
However, a big part of planning an intimate wedding – or any wedding for that matter – is narrowing that list down and removing some things from it.
The truth is that neither you nor anyone else can have everything you want in this life, and you’re going to have to prioritize and make some choices.
You can start by writing out your whole list of “wants” onto index cards and then sorting them into three piles based on how much you want them.
The first pile is the stuff you need, the second pile is the stuff you really want, and the third pile is the stuff you regular want.
Keep moving cards/items into the second and third piles until you only have 10 things in this first pile.
Then, eliminate the second and third piles.
Those 10 things are now your priorities.
Pro Tip: Once you’ve got your pile of 10, write a number on each card indicating its rank in the order of priority.
READ!
Read everything before you sign anything.
You’re going to be looking at contracts for your venue, your vendors, your wedding insurance (yes, you’ll want to have that), and so on.
And that’s not even counting the reading and consulting with lawyers that you should be doing at least 6 months before you even get married in the first place.
If nothing else, you should both be talking to separate lawyers and signing your prenuptial (pre-marriage) agreements no less than 6 months before your wedding date.
Additionally, that goes just as well for any other sorts of agreements that your marriage will entail.
As they say, getting married is just about the most legally significant thing you’ll ever do.
So, don’t stumble into it blindly.
If you’re going to get married, do it on purpose, not by accident or because you fear that your partner will leave you if you don’t.
Ensure that you both understand the legal contract (because it is a legal contract) as well as the obligations that you both legally and morally have to each other.
That way, you can reduce as much as possible the odds that either of you will feel surprised by anything later.
Pro Tip: This is also the stage at which you’ll want to clarify any disagreements or misunderstandings either of you have regarding things that may be important in the future, such as the manner in which you want to raise kids, whether or not you want to homeschool, etc.
It’s Personal
As you can see, there are a few different moving parts when you’re planning an intimate wedding, but there’s nothing too crazy involved.
For the most part, it’s all the same stuff you’d want to consider for a larger wedding – just simplified and scaled down.
As long as you follow these guidelines (especially that last one), you should be alright.
